Let's set the goddamn table.

Here we are now. Entertain us.

You’re reading This Heaven Gives Me Migraine, a shopping newsletter about searching for lasting pleasures in a world of disposable garbage. Quick note: We've moved to Ghost, which looks and feels almost exactly like Substack but isn’t funded by far-right tech investors. More on this later, but if you're looking for our previous missives, you can still find them on our Substack archive.

I, like perhaps everybody on the planet, have been listening to Ina Garten's memoir as an audiobook while I renovate my hall bathroom. (Well. Everyone's doing the first part. I don't know if the second part is as popular a pastime.) It's more fascinating than I had expected, in large part because Ina is refreshingly honest about how much of what's considered her "legacy" was actually just "whirling around wildly without a plan" at the time. Sure, everything more or less works out for her, in a slightly-maddening Boomer-generation accidental-job-at-the-white-house way—I guess that's the "luck" in Be Ready When the Luck Happens—but there are some definite fumbles: a dream house purchased and then immediately sold again, because it would've bankrupted her; IP foibles; a particularly disastrous day of filming involving a septic tank upset. But it's nice to listen to someone say, "Yeah, this all looks like a cohesive plan when you view it in the rear-view, but at the time, it was absolutely a disorganized collection of decisions that didn't feel like the work of someone who had their shit together."

That's not what we're here to talk about, however. We're here to talk about entertaining.

One of the things I admire most about folks like Ina, and certainly her peer Martha, is their insistence that we take seriously the kinds of work that have so often been relegated to the "pink ghetto": the work of making a beautiful space. The work of cooking. The work of "entertaining," a murky and maybe old-fashioned term that sits squarely at the intersection of the two. It can't have been easy to be Martha Stewart in 1982, publishing Entertaining, and saying: this is real work. This is hard work, and this is important work. It's not fluff. It requires skill, and taste, and strategy, and—yes—perfectionism. Asserting all this about domestic projects that, even still today, are often characterized as frothy and frivolous.

But what are the memories you hold dearest, in your life? The great conversations around a table with friends. A holiday celebration, the room brimming with half-remembered jokes and the smell of a feast. The soft-focus moments in the house where you grew up; your childhood bedroom or favorite chair. Christ, what on earth could be more important than these things? Setting these scenes? The making of these memories?

Anyway. It's springtime. Let's talk about table linens.

1) MINNA Field Leaf Runner, $125 (formerly $180)

I'm terribly saddened to report that beloved ethically-made textiles shop MINNA announced last week that they are closing their doors after 12 years. As a certified B-Corp, they made their mutually-beneficial relationships with weavers across Central and South America the cornerstone of their business, working in true collaboration with the practitioners of these beautiful weaving techniques. The results were always beautiful, and perhaps because of that creative volley-ing, looked quite different from everything else you could find on the market. It's hard to watch yet another wonderful small business close shop (the past 12 months have yielded so many announcements like these), but for the moment, you can find discounts sitewide. Pick up a few pieces—they will certainly become heirlooms. This bright and cheery runner feels perfect for spring, in a somewhat-70s color palette that would look absolutely striking styled with warm wood tones, as it is here, or even with bright whites in organic shapes for a more graphic "pop." Hell, some white cabbagewear would look amazing.

2) Goldie Home Rose Marble Tablecloth, $275
Every year, I arrive at spring and start casting around wildly for a table scheme that I, a human most associated with the color black, can successfully pull off for Easter or really any other bright and festive springtime event. Every year except this one, that is—because last year in the fall I cleverly invested in Goldie Home's beautiful botanical-inspired rose marble tablecloth (on sale, at the time, too). I discovered it through East Fork (who, hoorah, still have the coordinating runner and napkins on discount), and was immediately drawn to the fact that it reminded me of the freeform dye motifs of another of my favorite textile brands, UPSTATE. The European linen is absolutely divine—thick and dense and luxurious, not wispy like sheer curtains, but robust—and the color variation in the print is such that you can pair it about a half-dozen different colors of napkins. (In my view, that's just economical.) In addition to the coordinating options, you should also check out the green and grey marble colorways if you're enjoying the idea of a sort of elevated tie-dye moment.

3) LEIF Floral Check Tablecloth, $180

See also: a floral that's really more of a graphic print. This feels like something I could get behind, in large part because of the black and white stripes. Slubby linen napkins in a super-verdant, leafy hue would be a lot of fun with this.

4) Antoinette Poisson "Grenades" Tablecloth, $146

What did I tell you? I know who I am, and who I am is a person who likes high-contrast black and white prints. I've been quietly pining over this tablecloth (it also comes in pillows and all manner of other things) from Antoinette Poisson for months now, because it's the perfect thing: a black and white tablecloth that doesn't seem too heavy or serious for spring. Also: "Grenades" means pomegranates. And pomegranates are famously a sign of spring! Right? Right.

Sadly, shipping to the U.S. is pricey. I might have to wait until next time I'm abroad to scout this one out. But maybe you are planning a spring trip to Paris and this recommendation comes at exactly the right time!

5) Summerill & Bishop x John Derian "Feast" Linen Tablecloth, $395

Listen. On the whole, I agree with you that this is a lot to spend on a tablecloth. HOWEVER. The entire job is done for you if you own this. You don't need to fuss over what napkins pair well with what glassware and which napkin rings better set off the color of the candlesticks. Whatever you add to this tablescape, it'll be great. In fact, I might advise using clear glass plates and setting them down over the trompe l'oeil plates so you can see more of the tablecloth itself.

Honorable mention: the Central Park tablecloth, which is equally insane, in the very best way.

Bonus pick: Happy Organics Beeswax Carrot Taper Candles, Set of 2, $28 (formerly $32)

Trying to source interesting table decor always gets derailed when we come up on a major holiday, during which time everything in the market converts overnight to the lowest-hanging fruit—in this case, BUNNIES. In April, bunnies run amok in the housewares department. Their fuzzy forms are frozen in strange contortions and cast into soup tureens, sugar bowls...anything you can think of. There's no escape from the bunnies. A much subtler choice for celebrating the season? A handsome carrot motif. Happy Organics hand-casts their candles in Los Angeles, using molds taken from real vegetables, imbuing their family-sourced beeswax with the kind of beautiful and nuanced character that might make you mistake these carrot candles for the real thing. A set of the rainbow carrot tapers would look as charming on your spring table as they would at Thanksgiving...if you can hold off on burning them for that long. (Too tempting, because the beeswax smells phenomenal.) They also make asparagus versions, which would look great with the aforementioned John Derian tablecloth. Just sayin'. Pick them up now while they're on sale.

Okay! That’s it. If you enjoyed this—or, maybe especially, if you purchased anything from this list—let me know. I don’t have affiliate links because I’m not a Real Person yet, so you can feel confident my recommendations are genuine. See you next time—and meanwhile, if you're shopping for anything in particular without success, drop me a line and I'll do my best to offer recommendations that don't suck. Until then!