Socks are *actually* a great gift.

You’re reading This Heaven Gives Me Migraine, a shopping newsletter about searching for lasting pleasures in a world of disposable garbage. This month, we’re rounding up gift ideas five at a time, each centered around a theme.

When you're a kid, getting socks for Christmas feels like the worst imaginable fate. It's somehow even more offensive than getting coal—coal means you're a bad kid. Socks mean you're a good kid...and that your parents still think you deserve to get socks.

But like so many firmly-held stances in childhood (aversion to having "nothing to do"; the magical novelty of chewing gum), this fully reverses in adulthood. Getting socks for Christmas means you don't have to buy socks for yourself, which is one of those rare tasks that manages to combine both ennui and anxiety. (If you've ever set out to refresh your rotation, only to waste 30+ fruitless minutes navigating unclear spec comparisons and eventually close out your web browser in total frustration, you are not alone.)

Anyway, there's a good chance that you, as a discriminating person of taste, will buy your gift recipient nice socks—nicer socks than they would buy themselves. For those reasons and more, I am here to reinstate socks as a perfectly acceptable—nay, desirable—holiday gift.

Plus, it just means starting off the new year with a drawer of new socks. And isn't that a nice feeling?

Let's begin.

1) Best Socks For Guys: American Trench Wool Silk Boot Sock, $34

I became aware of American Trench in 2013, when I was hosting a popup shop for my now-defunct menswear & cocktail project, Rye & Rivet. American Trench was starting to be a buzzy brand around Brooklyn, and they kindly agreed to be one of the brands I featured at my shop. When the event ended, I personally bought a couple pairs from them (high on my own sock supply, I suppose). Over a decade later, that pair of socks is still kickin', which is really the best endorsement I could possibly offer.

I was delighted to find, recently, that they're not only still in business (not the case for many other vestiges of the early #menswear movement), but that they've expanded considerably. They now offer women's sizing, and, less predictably, a rather shocking array of apparel. But perfect, made-in-the-USA socks is where they started, so I stand by that category the most. These cozy, Donegal tweed-inspired socks have some silk in with their wool, giving them a softer hand and making it possible to dress them up more than your traditional chunky wool knit. Keep them out of the dryer, and they will serve you well. Maybe for the next 12 years.

2) The Platonic Ideal of a Winter Sock: FALKE Cosy Wool, $33

As they say on the internet: "If I like it, I'll just grab it in a different color." I think I have six colorways of these perfect, virgin wool and cashmere blend socks in my possession now. Do not be fooled by their unassuming flatlay photography—FALKE is German, and thus, I assume, averse to frivolity. But what they lack in bells and whistles on their website, they make up for in...everything else. They've been around since 1895 which is—and this is true—a long time to perfect socks.

As the name suggests, FALKE's Cosy Wool socks are like a warm embrace. But, crucially, they are not very thick. They can be worn with your heavy lug-sole boots (which notoriously, at least in my case, shred the heels of thinner socks), but they're also delicate enough to wear with a nice pair of fitted heeled boots (which summarily reject heavier fare). They also come in two size ranges, which is strangely rare for women's socks, but is much appreciated for a better fit.

And they come in 20 colors. Some that are attractive enough, even, for a jaded elder goth like myself to deviate from the classic black. (I've opted, against form, for the saffron, and even a few shades of the purple from past years.) Again, keep them away from the dryer.

3) The Party Sock To End All Party Socks: Maria La Rosa One Ribbed Laminated, $60

You must understand. These socks are not simply sparkly. They are not lurex, they are not woven with an iridescent yarn or festooned with itchy sparkles. They are LAMINATED. Which means they reach levels of festivity that were previously unknown to us as humans. The finish is downright foil-y, like gold leaf. And yet, underneath, they are a lovely Italian-made silk blend. Thoughtful and elegant, not a cheap thrill. (And, accordingly, well, they aren't cheap.)

These were sold out everywhere last year, and with good reason—they're magnificent. They, like the FALKEs, come in almost too many colors to choose from. But there are some striking and non-obvious choices among them: the Bordeaux calls to me, of course, but the very pistachio-coded Verdino is highly appealing as well. Honestly, please report back on what you end up buying.

You already know what I'm going to say: hand wash these.

4) The Tights To Make You Forget It Gets Dark At 4PM Now: Swedish Stockings Alice Cashmere Tights, $63

Some of you may have heard me opine about these tights before. For the newcomers: these tights are the best (and possibly only) antidote to not wanting to leave the house in the winter. Are they a bit misleadingly named, considering they are overwhelmingly a blend with only a kiss of cashmere? Yes. I shan't lie to you. But they are a thick, sweatery, sumptuous knit all the same. They're easily twice the weight of other "sweater tights" I've purchased from lesser brands, and yet they're refined and sleek, and don't add too much visual heft.

Once you own these tights, you will find yourself saying yes to evening plans that require you to brave snow and gale. You will also find that your wardrobe is unlocked in a new way—the whole "restyle spring dresses for winter" myth you always convince yourself you'll do, but never actually manage? It will feel manageable. Paired with these and a silk cashmere layering tee, even your cotton poplin maxi will become winterwear.

5) The Socks For Knee-High Boots: Corgi x Suzanne Rae Welly Socks, $58

Sometimes, however, bulk is just what you need. For the coldest times and the heaviest boots, these Corgi x Suzanne Rae socks are just the ticket. They're extra-tall and extra-cozy, knit from 70% Donegal wool, 10% cashmere, 10% cotton, and 10% silk, which for those of you following along at home, equals 100% natural fibers. In other words, these socks are not screwing around.

They're made in Wales (again, not screwing around) in collaboration with a brand called Corgi (who also have an excellent William Morris collection), and Suzanne Rae, which is a shoe company I highly suggest you peruse for your holiday party needs. (Their Blixen heel, in particular, is absolutely divine and definitely going on my wishlist.)

In addition to being well-made (the toes are hand-linked, yielding a surprisingly subtle, almost undetectable seam for ultimate comfort and unfussyness), they're rawther attractive. You might even be tempted to hang them on your mantelpiece for the duration of the season.

Okay, that's it! Happy (sock) shopping and gifting. See you next week.