The best gift is a gift that disappears.

You’re reading This Heaven Gives Me Migraine, a shopping newsletter about searching for lasting pleasures in a world of disposable garbage. This month, we’re rounding up gift ideas five at a time, each centered around a theme.

It probably seems strange for a Substack about obsessively chasing longevity in day-to-day purchases to promote buying stuff that’s designed to disappear. (And right out of the gate, too. What gives?) But hear me out.

Consumables (in this case, meaning “things that get used up,” not “things you eat”—we’ll cover that in a later issue) are some of the best gifts not only because there’s an inherent sense of “experience” with them (and people love “experience” gifts, we are told), but because they have a finite lifespan. And at the end of that lifespan, they’re gone. Brands in the sustainability space can tout their hard-won “closed loop” production chain all they want, but at the end of the day, there’s nothing more sustainable than something that absolutely, positively will never end up in a landfill…because it’s simply used up.

In that spirit, here are some nice things to gift that, if used correctly, will one day cease to be. They will never be found cluttering up the giftee’s junk drawer, held onto out of a misguided sense of obligation. They will never be regifted. They’ll simply be enjoyed and then, one day, gone. (That’s a kind of magic, don’t you think?)

First up: candles.

1) Hostess heaven: Danica Designs Taper Candles.
Coming in hot with some truly great shopping intel, if I do say so myself. If you’re a Taper Candle Person (TM), you’ve probably noticed lately that there’s a sort of horrible trench in the market between ultra-cheap tapers with lifeless, angular molded shapes (IKEA, Target’s basic in-house line) and suuuuper spendy high-end “artisanal” taper candles you often see in roundups like these (Floral Society, HAY). What if I told you that the “missing middle” in the taper candle market is simply an illusion? Because the very best taper candles—the ones that, surprise, you might have already bought without knowing it because they’re white-labeled and sold at a significant markup by some of those boutique-y brands, cough cough—are about $2/apiece. They’re ridiculously good and ridiculously affordable—they’re just a HUGE pain in the ass to order.

Danica Designs is a nearly 30-year-old candle-making outfit in Maine that is, to put it simply, delightfully unconcerned with the ways of modern eCommerce. They’re much more concerned with making beautiful, hand-dipped taper candles in the Danish tradition in a bevy of beautiful and nuanced colors (and a few striking sizes—I’m told that the Kardashians are particularly fond of their dramatic 13” and 17” tapers for creating a truly impactful display). And best of all, they start at $18.50 for a box of 10 tapers. (I told you. Truly recession-proof pricing.)

What must you do to unlock this treasure trove of beautiful and affordable candles? You simply must brave the Web 1.0 labyrinth of Danica’s website, where drop-down menus contain color choices 5 at a time; where a static image upload color chart is the only way to ascertain what color name corresponds to which color; and where you absolutely, positively will not be able to ascertain any of what you have ordered from the Paypal-generated checkout page. (This is a Laptop Purchase, not a Phone Purchase, my fellow millennials.) Does this sound bad? Sure. Does it feel annoying in the moment? Perhaps. But will you feel like an absolute conquerer of worlds and genius of the modern marketplace when your beautiful box of ten (ten!) stunning 13” hand-dipped tapers in, say, an alluring shade of Merlot or perhaps powder blue arrive at your home? YES. YOU WILL FEEL UNSTOPPABLE.

Honestly, it’s kind of great when the people who make stuff focus purely on “doing one thing well” to the complete exclusion of everything else. Like web design. GO FORTH.

I cannot promise this (because, y’know, aforementioned lack of modern eComm amenities), but I suspect that if you order some right now you might still receive them in time for gifting. Imagine the absurd indulgence of receiving TEN beautiful taper candles. You could even divvy them up into sets of two, wrap them in some nice tissue, and knock all your acquaintance-of-a-certain-caliber gifting out in one go. (There’s no shame in it—as I said, some brands are already doing this with a 300% markup.) At minimum, you will have them in hand by New Year’s, when you will officially make your ascension to Most Chic Hostess By A Sizable Margin.

2) A new nightly ritual: Soft Services Theraplush Overnight Hand Treatment ($62, or $85 with discounted extra refill pod)
Full disclosure: I do not yet own this. I do, however, own every other product Soft Services has ever created, which is why I feel so deeply confident recommending their overnight Retinol hand cream which seems so innately ideal for gifting purposes. It fires on all cylinders: it’s a little luxurious; it comes in a cute little vessel; it brings along with it a bit of ritual—during which time, your giftee will think of you and what a nice, thoughtful gift giver you are.

Soft Services has created these fun little refill “pods” (which resemble oversized K-cups) that snap into the pump mechanism of the reusable Theraplush vessel, and can be recycled in normal curbside recycling. (Soft Services is, I must say, uncommonly good at detailing how to recycle each of its components, and also ensuring that the process doesn’t involve any arcane shipping of discards back to them—a weird greenwashing loophole that I dislike because almost nobody follows through with it.)

The little vessel itself is quite well designed—it’s a push-to-dispense mechanism, doling out the right nightly dosage every time and minimizing cross-contamination (your hands are, after all, your hands…). The little well in the cap is perfect for holding your rings if you want to take them off for the night. All in all, it’s very pleasing—and if your giftee doesn’t want to continue refilling it with Theraplush after their capsule is finished, I’m sure they’ll find another use for it as a bedside catch-all.

3) Status soap: La Compagnie de Provence Liquid Marseille Soap (from $28)

“Status soap” is maybe a less controversial concept now than when it first debuted as a popular internet term, but that doesn’t mean we should get complacent. If you’re an Aesop girlie (or, with even deeper condolences to your wallet, a LOEWE soap girlie), you already know what a nice touch a “special” hand soap can be in elevating your daily routine. But what’s even nicer, I think, than showing off a “status soap” in your guest bathroom is showing off an interesting soap that your guests haven’t seen a hundred times before as a signifier or elevated coolness—at their pricey gym, at that boutique hotel they stayed at, etc. My go-to (honestly, quite slept-on) status soap is Compagnie de Provence, which comes in these typography-heavy amber glass bottles looking a bit like Dr. Bronner’s with an MFA. There are a ton of scents to choose from, and as of recently, you can even get a massive Boxed Wine-esque box for refilling them, which are not only objectively funny, but also “greener”. Waste not!

4) Good hair days for days: Oribe Royal Blowout Heat Styling Spray ($72)
This is one of those gifts that may not look like a showstopper when they unearth it from its little gift bag, but trust, they will come to sing your praises over time with use. Let’s get this out of the way: it is objectively unhinged to pay $72 for a 5.9oz spray canister of practically ANYTHING. HOWEVER. This is exactly what makes this a product that someone is unlikely to purchase for themselves, which makes it a nice gift. In addition, you will not believe me but it is practically impossible to go through this product quickly. It actually operates on a bell-curve where it works worse the more you use, so you’ll have no temptation to over-indulge: 1-2 light sprays per quadrant of hair (I do left/right/back) is all you need, even for very thick hair. The results, however, speak for themselves. Somehow, when I remember to use this product, my hair actually looks better as the week goes on—it’s sleek and shiny, but not too shiny, and it holds heat-styling beautifully. It’s something approaching “rich girl hair,” a phrase I always assumed was confined to the lives of Other People and would never have application in my own life. I don’t know. This stuff should probably be illegal. I don’t know what else you want me to say.

(Small caveat: the packaging isn’t as well-considered as Soft Services’, and this is the only recycling guidance they give, which I do not love. But I’m balancing that against the fact that it will take quite a while to go through this container.)

5) A stocking stuffer that *truly* disappears: MET William Eraser ($5)
Is it too cute by half to round out this list of erasable gifts with an actual eraser? Whatever. This eraser isn’t modeled after just any blue hippo with lotus blossoms scrawled on it—it’s “William,” the unofficial mascot of the MET, i.e. the Egyptian faience sculpture you may have seen pop up on the MET’s marketing over the past few decades. Not only is this a very “in-crowd” gift for New York people; I think it’d also do acceptably well with the Moo Deng crowd. And, again, it’s nice because it’s fun, useful, and eventually disappears. (Not into ancient Egyptian artifacts? I’d also give an Honorable Mention to these Sardine erasers, which come in a little Sardine tin to really complete the vibe. Sardines are also trending, though with a gentler arc than Moo Deng.)

Okay! That’s it. If you enjoyed this—or, maybe especially, if you purchased anything from this list—let me know. I don’t have affiliate links because I’m not a Real Person yet, so you can feel confident my recommendations are genuine. See you next week for 5 more gifts around another theme. Adieu.